Episode 81 - Nothing but Timing

Mike runs his mouth about age gaps, bad timing, and why dating and work somehow feel exactly the same.

He breaks down how being on different timelines can make relationships feel off, why unclear expectations at work make you feel like you’re constantly guessing, and how trying to “catch up” in life can lead to forcing the wrong decisions.

From dating dynamics to job frustration to feeling behind in your late 20s, this episode connects it all into one idea: maybe it’s not that something’s wrong… maybe you’re just not there yet.

If you would like to share your opinion, send an email to lnbemedia@gmail.com and don't forget to follow me on Instagram and TikTok @thelnbepodcast.

Transcript

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Age Gaps And Mental Age

Mike 0:09

Alright, I know for a fact that I've talked about this before. To be honest, I don't even remember what episode it was at this point. I've said too much on the show already. And like I've said before, I'm basically the Deadbeat Data podcasting. I disappear for a couple weeks and then I just pop back up like nothing ever happened. But I didn't actually understand what I was saying at the time because I was talking about age gaps, like big age gaps. And I was just like, yeah, it's weird, it's kind of gross. I don't get it. And I still stand by that. But I think I was right for the wrong reason. Because I remember saying before it's different stages of life. But I think what I actually meant was that it was different expectations of life. Because yeah, some people make it work. I'm not saying that it never works, but I always come back to this. How old is that person mentally? Because you can be 22 and act 35, or you could be 45 and still act like you need a fake ID. As I've even said before, I don't even know how to talk to people that much younger sometimes. And now I'm realizing it's not that you can't talk, it's that you're not on the same wavelength. You're not even playing the same game. Like you're talking about life plans, and they're talking about what bar is the best drink specials. Like, is a 38-year-old woman dating a 22-year-old guy because she wants to relive her 20s? And that guy is definitely not thinking long term. He's probably just in his own head, like, oh, this is sick. Because I don't know, at least when I was growing up, it was always cool to get the older chick. But eventually you reach a point where that's gotta stop. Like, I don't know, dude. If you're 35 I think there's a little discrepancy there. One of you thinks that you're planning a future and the other one is just scrolling through WebMD. But like, are you actually thinking long term? Because long term doesn't always mean growing old together. Sometimes it means you're taking care of someone way earlier than you expected. And on the flip side, if you're a 32-year-old dating a 65-year-old, give it five, 10 years. You might be changing two sets of diapers, and it ain't because you had twins. I think I've said this before too. Like, yeah, opposites attract, but not polar opposites. This isn't different personalities, this is different timelines. And I think the biggest thing for me too is I've actually talked to people in those age ranges, like I've been at the bar talking to 21, 22 year olds. This wasn't that long ago. And I'm not even trying to sound like an old man here, but the conversations are just different. It's like, what are we even talking about? You're talking about going out for four nights a week. I'm thinking about how my knee feels after I slept wrong. You're worried about what bar we're going to next. I'm worried about whether or not I'm gonna be able to make it into work tomorrow morning. Oh, you want to plan the next night out? I'm trying to plan when I get to go to bed. I can't even pretend anymore. I used to be able to fake that energy, and now I'm like, yeah, that sounds fun. I'm gonna be home at 10:30, I wanna catch the rest of the game. And that's not a knock on them, that's just where they're at. But that's my point. Those are two completely different timelines, and that's where I think I was right before, but I didn't fully connect it because it's not just different stages of life, it's different expectations of life. One person already knows what they want, and the other is still figuring out what they're even okay with. One person is thinking long term, the other might just be living in the moment. And that gap right there, that's where things start to feel off. Because in those situations, one person already knows how everything works, and the other person is just trying to not look stupid. That's the dynamic. That's not two people building something together, that's one person already having the answers and the other just trying to keep up. That's not a relationship, that's onboarding.

When Work Feels Like Guessing

Mike 4:45

And the reason this is stuck in my head is because I swear to God, that's exactly what work has felt like lately. Nobody tells you what they actually want, they just wait for you to be wrong. It's like a silent test that no one told you you were taking. You ever be in those situations where you're just like, All right, I think this is what they're asking for, so then you do it, and they're like, Yeah, no, and you're like, Okay, cool, what part? And they're just like, All of it. Oh, awesome, love that, super helpful. Thanks for the advice. It's just like we want something creative, but also exactly like we had before, but different, but the same, but better. What in the fuck does that even mean? And the worst part is once you don't know what the expectations are, your brain starts trying to find an answer anywhere. Like, I remember there was one point where I was like, maybe I just need a change, and this was also as of the past few months. I talked about it on this podcast, and I was just like, Maybe I should bartend full time, maybe I should move to Nashville, maybe I just need to get out of here. And looking back on it now, I don't even know if that was the answer, or if I just didn't like where I was at. Because once I met Liv, that whole thought process kind of changed. It wasn't I need to escape everything anymore. It became more of like, what can I actually build here? Because everybody always says everything is what you make it, right? Like college, you get out of it what you put into it, whether that be classes, friendships, or experiences. And I didn't even do that, like I didn't explore different interests, I didn't do that radio show I talked about, which is probably why I'm sitting here now talking into a microphone like a lunatic. But that's kind of my point. Maybe it's not about completely changing your life, maybe it's about actually using what's already in front of you. Because if you don't know what you're working toward, you just start throwing ideas against the wall. New job, new city, new whatever. When really you might just need to clarify where you already are. Because moving somewhere new doesn't fix confusion. All you're gonna be doing is just be confused in a different zip code, and that's when it clicked for me. That's the same feeling I was trying to describe before. I just didn't have the words for it yet. Back then, I was like, How do you even talk to someone that much younger than you? Now I'm like, oh, you don't talk, you instruct. You're not on the same page, you're not even in the same book. One person is three chapters ahead, and the other just opened the cover. And whether it's intentional or not, it turns into one person setting the expectations and the other trying to meet them without even fully understanding them. That's why it feels off, because it's not truly equal. And honestly, I think that's why I've been so frustrated lately. Because I don't mind being bad at something, I'll suck at something all day if I know what I'm working toward. Wait, hearing that out loud goes crazy. That reminds me of horrible bosses when Charlie Day's looking at Jennifer Addison, just like, do you hear the words that you say sometimes? But yeah, no, I got no problem being bad at something, but not knowing what quote unquote good even is, that is what drives me insane. Because now I'm just left guessing and hoping that I guessed right.

The Pressure To Catch Up

Mike 8:25

And I think that this goes beyond just work or dating. I think a lot of people in their late 20s, early 30s are kind of in that same spot right now. Like we're all just trying to figure out what we're doing, but it feels like everyone else already knows because you look around and you're just like, Oh, this person's engaged, this person's buying a house, this person has their career figured out, and you're just sitting there like, bruh, I'm just trying to make it to Friday. Friday, fuck Friday, just the hour. I'm just trying to get to another hour of my day, and that's the same feeling, it's that same gap. Like, some people feel like they're way ahead, and you feel like you're just trying to catch up. At least in dating, you can get ghosted. Like, all right, message received. Actually, message really not received, but at work, they just keep you around and just slowly lose faith in you in real time, and you're just like, Oh, we're doing this slowly. This is a slow burn of disappointment. Got it. So maybe that's what it comes down to, whether it's dating, work, life, and honestly, that's why dating and work can kind of feel the exact same sometimes. Because in both, you're trying to figure out what the other person wants without them actually telling you. In dating, it's like, what are we? What are we doing? Where is this going? At work, it's like, what do you want? What does good even look like? Am I doing this right? And in both situations, you're just guessing. And I think that's what it really comes down to. It's timing. Because it's not always that something is wrong. Sometimes people are just on different timelines, like in dating. You might be ready for something real, and the other person just isn't there yet. That doesn't make either person wrong, it just means it doesn't line up, and it's the exact same thing at work. Because for me at least, it feels like everyone just expects me to get it, like I should already know what I'm doing. And I'm like, I'm just not there yet. I'm still trying to figure this out. And I think the other part of that too is when you feel like you're behind, you start trying to speed things up, you start looking for the fastest way to catch up. New job, new city, new relationship, whatever it is, because it feels like everyone else is already there and you're trying to get on the same timeline as them. But that's when you start forcing things and things don't work out. Because it's not always that something's wrong, sometimes you're just not there yet. I don't think people struggle with being bad. I think people struggle with not knowing what they're being measured against and not knowing where they are in the process.

The Timeline Test And Goodbye

Mike 11:16

And listen, I'm not saying age gaps are always bad. I'm just saying if one person has life experience and the other still has a meal plan, you're probably not on the same timeline. And when you're not on the same timeline, things just don't line up. But I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking it. Or maybe this is just one of those things you don't really understand until you're in it. I appreciate you guys listening, and I'll catch you on the next one.