.png)
The LNBE Podcast
Mike Rispoli presents: The LNBE Podcast—"Literally Nothing, But Everything."
It’s a mix of personal stories, life lessons, and hot takes, all told like you're on the phone with your most unfiltered friend.
No experts. No advice. Just vibes, opinions, and faith-based curiosity.
The LNBE Podcast
Episode 60 - Nothing but Shade and Celebrations
Mike runs his mouth on if we should treat LinkedIn like other types of social media platforms, and how birthday weeks/funerals seemingly come across as more selfish than anticipated.
If you would like to share your opinion, send an email to lnbemedia@gmail.com and don't forget to follow me on Instagram and TikTok @thelnbepodcast.
all right. So, continuing on with podcast roulette, I am posting this episode on friday. So this is kind of like old times. I was gonna try for wednesday or thursday but shit just kept coming up and I really didn't want to not post anything. So I guess Friday it is and this also actually might be a good experiment for you guys too, just to kind of let me know what you like and to let me know. Hey, you know, we were kind of liking it on this day or, honestly, maybe you like being surprised, I don't know. But if you want to tell me, you can email me at lmbemedia at gmailcom, or you could just DM me on my socials, on Instagram and TikTok, at the LNBE podcast.
Speaker 1:Oh, but you know, speaking of socials, I was scrolling through LinkedIn because I was job hunting and it kind of got me thinking what would happen if we started treating linkedin like instagram and facebook like I. I was scrolling through and I saw a post from a company that I worked for and I'm just like what would happen if I just started throwing shade and airing out some dirty laundry? Look, imagine you get laid off or fired from a job and you see a post saying happy, happy work, anniversary, so-and-so, and underneath you just comment, wow, you still work for that dump. Oh my God. My specialty in marketing was organic SEO, but one company that I worked for also wanted me to do their social media, which, as we all know, is not my forte. But what do you do in corporate America? You say yes, master, or else you get labeled as difficult to work with. So I did it. And do you know how hard it is to write positive posts about people that you can't stand, bro? I can't even stand myself 90% of the time time, and you expect me to say something nice about you, like congrats on not getting fired despite being painfully incompetent. Oh yeah, talking to you makes me want to take a fork to the eye. But sure, let me post about your strong leadership skills. But you know, as I was scrolling through the socials, I was going through Reddit and I saw this thread about nicknames for useless coworkers, and one that I remember was Lantern, because they weren't very bright and they had to be carried through everything, and that just got me thinking like we should just start calling our co-workers corn, because as people, they're not easily digestible and they just always seem to be found in shit. Oh my God, I really have way too much time on my hands.
Speaker 1:But speaking of people who think that they're more important than they are, let's talk about birthdays. So, as I mentioned, the last episode that I put out whenever that was that it was my birthday at the end of February, and I think there's something to be said about the company who still lets you take your birthday off, though I do think that that's becoming more of an outdated practice now, because, good, you're growing up and you realize that your birthday is just another fucking day and the only person who cares about it is you and or maybe your parents, like hell. It's not even like you were the one who put in any of the work so that you could be here on this glorious day. I can't stand the absolute narcissists who need a full week to celebrate their birthdays. Honestly, if you need a full week to celebrate one day, that's all about you. What does that actually say about you? Like, even Jesus only gets one day for us to reminisce and celebrate, yet you need a whole week. So, in essence, you're telling me that you think that you're better than the son of God himself? Huh, and why is it always the same type of person who needs a birthday week, like I've never seen a dude named Gary demand a five-day celebration, but every chick named Emily has a full itinerary, color-coded at all. And these people who have destination birthdays, why do you feel like you're that important? Do us all a favor go to your destination and just fucking stay there like you are just living proof as somebody that I don't want to deal with, because that just proves how needy or high maintenance you are. Like, let's be real here.
Speaker 1:Birthdays stop mattering after the age of 17. By 18, the only one keeping track is the IRS. I'll give some leniency to a miracle baby that had like a crazy stat line with like a 10% chance of being conceived, a 30% chance of surviving the birthing process, a 90% chance that they won't see their 32nd birthday. I'll give you that. Then, yeah, celebrate your birthday, because at that point you're literally racing against the clock. But, newsflash, we're all gonna die someday. So technically, no matter what, I feel like we're all kind of in the same boat, miracle stat line or not, and it's just not my fault that some people's timers run out faster than others.
Speaker 1:But that's why I also feel like we have funerals. Like, yeah, it's sad when somebody dies, just because it's also, I feel like, just accepted to be so, just due to the thought that it's a loss of life. But I feel like even funerals are kind of selfish to a degree. Like you ever notice, when you go to a funeral, everybody's sad and the whole thought process is just like I won't get to talk to them again or I won't get to do xyz with them again.
Speaker 1:Like, yeah, you're sad, but also notice how every thought you just said starts with I just say and it's funny because whenever you talk to couples or something, you always hear this argument. Not like I've ever been in a relationship long enough to have this argument or love somebody enough to have this argument. Like couples always say to each other they're just like I hope I die first, I couldn't live without you. But that's also just another way of saying like I love you so much, I hope that you're the one that has to suffer horribly in my absence. Look, that is such a sweet sentiment. Yeah, that's not selfish at all. Like I want to go first so I don't have to suffer, because being without you would just be too much for me. Oh yeah, fuck your feelings. I don't care how you would feel when I go first. All I know is I'm the one that doesn't want to handle it. I don't know, though.
Speaker 1:I feel like there would be some benefit to one person going first, though, because then, all of a sudden, it's like yeah, you might miss the snoring or you might miss the arguments, for about like maybe six months to a year, but as time goes on, you'll get more comfortable like, oh shit, no more arguing about what we're going to watch on TV, no more arguing about what we're going to make for dinner. Oh my God, I couldn't remember the last time I had this much room in the bed. Get up here, sparky, let's snuggle. Trust me, I think you'd be able to make, do? I don't know, man, it's just funny to me that with birthdays, we celebrate the year that we just had around the sun. So, like, you turn 30 because that's technically because you lived your 30th year.
Speaker 1:So, if you think about it, birthdays are weirdly about celebrating the past, but funerals, on the other, we oddly think about them in a future sense, like, oh, we won't be able to do this with this person anymore. Or I remember when we used to do this. But now we can't, like you, think about the person in a past tense but you think about what you could have done with the person in a future tense. I don't know if that's making sense, but hopefully you guys are following me. I don't know if that's making sense, but hopefully you guys are following me. But what I think that we should do when it comes to funerals is we should think about the positives of life that we lived with that person and celebrate the accomplishments that they had, just like we kind of do with birthdays, right? Because with birthdays you're celebrating the year that you had, so you're also celebrating all the accomplishments that you had in that previous year.
Speaker 1:Trust me, at my funeral, first of all, I would be shocked if anybody showed up, but for the handful that do, I don't want anybody sad. I want you to play all the funeral hits stairway to heaven knocking on heaven's door. Not the bob dylan version, though that dude sounds like fucking dial up internet. But yeah, dude, I don't know, I don't want people upset at my funeral. Wakes are sad because, oh my god, who the fuck actually wants to go to a wake? You go out of respect for the people who you know for the person that they lost, but it's just like, oh my god, I'm so sorry for your loss. And then they're all sad and everybody else is all sad. Oh my god, they were such a great person, dude. I didn't fucking know him. I know you, and now I'm subjected to seeing this dead person just lying there in this casket, like dude.
Speaker 1:This is not my idea of a good time. Like, honestly, and the idea of opening caskets. Whose bright idea was that? Like, does anybody actually want to see the fucking body? Or the worst is when the makeup is just god awful, they all look like the fucking joker. Just lying there, man or woman, you're just like jesus.
Speaker 1:Oh seriously, does anybody actually want to go to a wake? Stop inviting me to them Honestly, and I'll put out an olive branch. We may get that far. Don't even go to mine, just go to my funeral. Like that's all I care about. Like go celebrate my life. You don't need to fucking see me. You saw me when you were alive. Then you should have a pretty good sense of what I look like when I'm no longer with us. But also if I am no longer with us and you never bothered to call me or hang out when I was alive, then don't bother coming to see me when I'm dead. If you don't have time for me when I'm alive, then you definitely don't have time for me when I'm dead. Go fuck yourself.
Speaker 1:I don't need no fake friends at my funeral, but what I will say is if you were an avid hater of me, or even are an avid hater of me, or even are an avid hater of me, and you find out that I pass away, you are more than welcome to come to my funeral and celebrate the life that I lived, because, number one, I'm still petty and I got you to do the one thing that you didn't want to do, which is celebrate me. But also, number two, if you want to come by just to trash me, go right, the fuck ahead. The hell do I care, I'm dead. I give a shit what you say at that point. It is also kind of funny, though, that, no matter what, at a funeral, the eulogy is always spun, no matter what kind of life you live, to be positive, because nobody wants to be remembered negatively, as if the person in the casket is listening to what you're saying anyways. So I don't know.
Speaker 1:One thing that I ask is can we just start making eulogies a little bit more honest? Like, can we do that? There's only five of us here. I think we all know why. Yeah, dude, steve was kind of a prick man. Dude took my lawnmower ten years ago. I only came because I was thinking now I'd be able to finally get it back. Motherfucker never paid his taxes, but where was that $200 I lent him two years ago? I don't know man. I don't know man.
Speaker 1:I feel like corporate America, birthdays and funerals all have a little bit more in common than you would think. Because at work you gotta pretend to care about somebody's team building skills on LinkedIn and acknowledge somebody's good, because corporations want to pretend that they care like, hey, thanks for all you do. Here's a LinkedIn post rather than a raise, as if that post even matters to anyone except who the post is for. Just like when you have to pretend that it's Emily's birthday week, as if that matters to anybody but her. And for what? Survival In corporate America. If you don't play along, you're difficult to work with in life. If you don't acknowledge somebody's birthday month, you're an asshole. But either way, if you don't acknowledge either, you'll be celebrating the death of a friendship or a termination with a company, like I'm sorry that I don't care, that you care that I don't care, but I mean throwing shade is kind of fun.
Speaker 1:I just wish we could do it in more inappropriate areas. I mean, hell, kendrick Lamar threw shade at Drake during arguably the most televised event in America, during the Super Bowl. So why is there always this level of professionalism that we all need to have? If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen and look. I'm not saying go up to everyone that you know or dislike and just start being an asshole. You got to pick and choose your battles. But how much more entertaining would LinkedIn be or funerals would be If we treated those things like more fun social platforms like Instagram or Facebook or whatever, where Emily posts about her B-Day week and somebody under it goes oh, wow, seven days for the seven years old that you're still acting. Oh, disney theme Well, I mean, you are a little bit goofy, got him. But it is kind of funny too how LinkedIn bios are essentially like a funeral eulogy, like oh, I'm always helpful.
Speaker 1:Looking to improve in insert field, I would give the shirt off my back to help improve your ROI or whatever your department is or in life or whatever the fuck Like. Shut up, greg. I worked with you and the fact that you even lasted this long is a miracle in itself, either on LinkedIn or in life in general. Yeah, but that really isn't the Christian thing to do, is it? You always got to turn the other cheek and do right unto those that have not done right unto you, and all that shit, cause I know what you guys are thinking, mike, isn't all this talk of throwing shade Kind of I don't know, maybe un-Christian? And yeah, probably Could also be just my other despair for corporate America, considering I'm just being saltier than the Dead Sea With my situation right now. After all, it's also not like Jesus was out here, considering I'm just being saltier than the Dead Sea with my situation right now. After all, it's also not like Jesus was out here subtweeting the Pharisees or leaving passive-aggressive comments on LinkedIn like Wow, still scamming people in the temple. Bold move, cotton. I don't know.
Speaker 1:That's the thing, though. It's not about being perfect. I feel like it's just about trying to be better than you were the day before, and maybe that means me resisting the urge to comment oh, you still work for that dump on a former co-worker's post. Maybe it means not telling Emily that she's not more important than the son of God, even if she does have a full birthday itinerary for a full fucking week. I mean, jesus did say to love your neighbor, but he didn't say that you have to like their LinkedIn posts. So, yeah, I mean throwing shade is fun, but at the end of the day, maybe we all should just chill a little.
Speaker 1:Focus less on fake corporate pleasantries, stop expecting the world to care about our birthday and maybe and maybe maybe just be honest at funerals, like, yes, steve might not have been the best guy, but at least I don't gotta track him down for my stuff anymore. And look, I know some of you might say that it's wrong to joke about funerals or religion. But also also, if you don't think that god has a sense of humor, you're crazy. I mean, he made me. You think this was an accident. God looked at me and was like, yeah, let's see how this one plays out.
Speaker 1:And if you like how this episode played out, make sure that you share it with a friend. Send it to a co-worker to waste their time. I don't care what you do, but please also rate it, comment, subscribe, because any activity that you guys do really helps boost this to the top. I appreciate all the support that you guys give me and also feel free to check me out on my socials. You can find me on instagram and tiktok at the lmbe podcast, or, if you guys want to write in, you can email me at lmbemedia at gmailcom. Thank you guys so much for listening. I hope you all have a fantastic week and I'll catch up with you when I catch up. Thank you.
